Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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