Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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