i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
