He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
