I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
