Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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