If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
