oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know her cup size but not her name....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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