these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
