Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
