I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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