I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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