how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
