I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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