I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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