when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
