Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
