I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
