By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
whose ass print is on the piano?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
