she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
