Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
