This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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