she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
