Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
