how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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