I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
