I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
