Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
