hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
