I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
