If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
