I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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