that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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