I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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