anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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