allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
