I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dicks are not precious.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
