She's JV to your varsity
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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