he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
