I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
