...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
