shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
