I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
