my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
