she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
