Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
