Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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