if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
