im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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