My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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