You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
