i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
