I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
