I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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