I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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