If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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