I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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