I think i peed on brittanys purse
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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