He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
