I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
