Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
