can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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