Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
