im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
