I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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