every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
