Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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