Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
