just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
that is very illegal...i love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
