Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
