He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
