I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
