I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
